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THE WORLD'S MOST POWERFUL RELIGION
by Anton Szandor LaVey
Religion is the most important thing in a person's life. If electric
trains are the most pervasive thing in one's life, that is his
religion. Anything can be a religion if it means a lot. If your
present religion isn't the most important thing in your life, then
skip it. Find whatever impels you most and make that your religion.
Religions are easy to invent. Most traditional religions have little
or nothing to do with reality, are dependent on obfuscation,
interpretation, guilt, and unreasoning faith--some more than others.
Since Satanism is essentially a religion of the self, it holds that
the individual and his personal needs comes first. If that means
playing with trains or spike-heeled shoes or singing in the bathtub,
those are its sacraments and devotions. Taking inventory of old comic
books is counting beads on a rosary, each book being a station of the
cross.
Before I codified Satanism, thus enabling me to integrate everything
of a personal meaning into a suitable forum, I first considered the
religion of Dogism. The belief system made sense, but was too
limiting. Dogism holds that if you can't eat it, and you can't fuck
it; piss on it. Much as I respect dogs and their gods, I could relate
more to Catism, the principle religion of cats. The Five Commandments
of Catism are: (1) Don't run, if you can walk. (2) Don't walk, if you
can stand. (3) Don't stand, if you can sit. (4) Don't sit, if you can
lie down, and (5) Don't stay awake, if you can take a nap. Catism
counsels: "He who sleeps the day away / lives to sleep another day,"
or, "Respect the friend who brings your food, for he has been your
choice / Or go and catch it for _yourself_, and have a louder voice,"
and other such homilies.
Freud's "pleasure principle" should be known to be the highest
motivator for any religion. The significance of any fetish is a
yardstick for its priority. When a fetish transcends all else,
including survival needs, religious fanaticism is the result. When the
audio equipment takes priority over the music, the way the music
_sounds_ is more important than the sound of the _music_. The act of
falling in love can be more important than one's choice of a mate. If
the size of a screen is more important than what's on it and the
latest hardware and software eclipses the quality of the product
entered--fetishism is the result.
All activity that consumes, therefore, should be recognized as being
both religious and fetishistic. A Satanist whose hobby or fetish is
Satanism _per se_, is no more of a Satanist than one who, realizing
the indulgence advocated by Satanism, accepts the Name. The difference
between the man or woman who's a _practicing_ Satanist, from an
_identity_ Satanist is that the practicing Satanist looks at the
picture, while the identity Satanist studies the frame.
Those who disparage and belittle the Church of Satan to an obsessive
degree reveal their fetish. In reality and practice, by their
consuming interest, they reveal their true religion to be-- the Church
of Satan. Otherwise, they would turn on their heel, walk away, and
refuse to subject themselves to that which they need not. Clearly,
they need us. We don't need them.
Never underestimate the sexual corollaries to fetishism/religion. It's
too easy (and convenient) to dismiss covert arousal. Just as there
have been foot fetishists who work in shoe stores, there are
masturbationist writers and artists who have nothing to say and write
nothing worth reading. Their output amounts to one stroke or rub per
line of type, using their typewriters or computers as sex toys. This
can lead to sexual dependency upon the computer. Far-fetched? Things
have changed since monks illuminated manuscripts and suffered
ecstasies.
Varieties of religious experience can be as interesting as varieties
of fetishism. Though there may be many kinds, overall, each disciple
has his or her rigid set of preferred and obligatory devotions. Each
has personal words of power as a result of distillation. All roads
lead to Rome for the serious practitioner. It is Spare's principle of
reduction, Pavlov's bell. The devout Catholic crosses himself and
murmurs "Saints preserve us." The Pentecostal shouts "Hallelujah!" The
Jew says "Mazeltov." A more potent manifestation is possible, when one
considers the true nature of religion. They might instead say: "I need
a drink," "My niece with the fine ass...," "Is she a disciplinarian?"
Every fetishist/religionist has sacred buzzwords: "tickle," "Cherry
'65 Mustang," "stinky socks," and millions more. Sexual fetishes are
probably the most epicurean preference of the human animal. The
smallest detail is of great significance and there is little margin
for error. In fact, _there is less room for deviance in deviance, than
in any other human endeavor_.
If certain words and phrases keep reappearing, it's because they're
never tiresome, always fresh. Uncle Louie's favorite musical
composition may be the same old tune to others, but to Uncle Louie, it
improves with age--which is more than can be said for Uncle Louie. It
is his _Ave Maria_.
Satanism is the only religion which serves to encourage and enhance
one's individual preferences, so long as there is admission of those
needs. Thus, one's personal and indelible religion (the picture) is
integrated into a perfect frame. It's a celebration of individuality
without hypocrisy, of solidarity without mindlessness, of OBJECTIVE
SUBJECTIVITY. There need be no deviation from these principles. They
should summarily negate internecine strife and bickering. Any attempts
at Satanic "reformation" should be seen for what they are: creating
problems where none exist. There should be no place in any religion
for reformers whose very religion is the fetish of reformation. There
is even a place and title for compulsive dissidents, and if they can
wear the mantle, they are welcome. They would delude themselves to be
revolutionaries. In our camp, they are called "House Masochists."
Contributed to the Internet with permission. Copyright Year XXXI A.S.
by Anton Szandor LaVey. Originally appeared in _The Cloven Hoof_,
Issue #127.
EOF